authentic experience

Thursday, June 01, 2006

wife vs prostitute

I've been thinking about marriage, why we get married, what it's good for, why we got married, how the outside world does or does not factor into personal relationships private.

Someone said marriage is a way to keep a woman confined long enough to be sure the child is legitamate. Is this true? What do we mean when we say marriage anyway, speaking historically? It seems natural for people to form bonds, and some bonds get more permanent than others.

We got married because we felt married, and we wanted to use the words "husband" and "wife." So we got married for words.

We also wanted the certain rights like to be one another's next-of-kin and what if one of us died, or was in the hospital, and all that.

But I had been very anti-marriage for a while. I thought it was horrible imprisonment and so unreasonable to think you could make a promise about forever when people can and should change often.

Now, four years into our marriage and seven years into the relationship, I feel glad to have him and glad for everything that's lead up to this, but a little concerned too about what marriage is, what I'm giving my approval to by engaging in, and is this an institution that should be scrapped, or changed, or strengthened, and if so how.

Our marriage is a relationship of care and carnality. There seem to be two main components--the way we take care of of another as steadfast allies and family members. And then there's the way we fuck. There's some overlap to the two, but mostly they're different.

I had a theory, not really mine, that before, a man would have a wife for the home things and a prostitute to really be hinself with, but now a woman needs to be both in order to keep the man satisfied and from "straying." That's the man-centric view of it, anyway.

So it's potentially difficult. The outside world factors into our relationship somewhat, mostly through the conditioning we received as children. The way we chose to ignore popular culture's TV and movies and magazines and radio means we are comparatively free of unwanted influences in the present, but our own minds are filled with the clutter from childhood and what we saw in our own families.

It's a constant effort to be true to ourselves and what we really want together. He's so stable, and I'm so erratic and moody. I'm always evaluating whether what I'm doing is what I want to be doing. He is more complacent, which is fine. He's the kind of guy who would always order the same thing at a restaurant, and the waitstaff would tease him about it. Sometimes I get irritated at always being the innovator. But mostly our roles are good. I need his stability and trustworthiness. Maybe he needs my changability too.


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