too much porn

But I have been looking at too much porn lately. It's the dark stuff that gets into my head and makes me feel dirty--the bad kind of dirty--when people use porn to enact their issues, and it doesn't feel good to watch. When the woman's getting abused, basically. It's not for me.

And when I feel myself staying at the computer more than I really want to--just one more--it feels like long ago when I was unhappy and used porn for some comfort, but it was low quality and didn't nourish my soul.

So I need to lay off the porn for now. Yesterday, when I closed my eyes, I saw these close-ups of a cock sliding in and out of a cunt, and it got to the point where it wasn't beautiful or even nice, felt more like a compulsion. I had stumbled onto some pro stuff--not that all pro stuff has to be bad--but this was filled with gender trouble of the sort that smarts.

I like amateur stuff so much more, when the couple seems to love one another. I like the moment when one will reach for the other's hand, as they fuck, and I really think they like eachother.

Listening to me talk about porn is like listening to the ignorant talk about her ignorance--I really know nothing about it but what little I've seen with my own eyes or made in my own bedroom, very limited experience, and I will spare you, my dear reader.