authentic experience

Saturday, July 01, 2006

accident III

I wanted sex, but I was also feeling unsure I had the emotional and physical energy to do all that. I remember when I was over-medicated that's how it felt all the time. Sex was like a long, beautiful hike I had no energy for.

He took a shower while I thought about sex, unplugged the phone, and waited. I lay on the living room floor. He lay down with me and touched me. I played with his dick. He rubbed my clit, and I said, This is a good massage you're giving me. He told me how he felt my clit changing. Am I getting a boner? I asked. I asked him to touch the opening with a lot of lubricant, like in my dream, and he understood. I moaned and inhabited the wonderful feeling of the hand there with so much attentive love.

He knealed to my left, and I jacked him off. His dick is so beautiful: eager and willing. He enjoyed it, his eyes closed, murmuring, and suddenly gave me the alarmed look that means he'll come if I continue one second longer, so I stopped.

I got on all fours, and he put on a condom and rammed it in. I was surprised he went in me so soon. I tilted my pelvis different ways. His body was close up against mine, and he pounded me. I felt like my destiny was being fulfilled. I felt very right. All I wanted was to be fucked like that, for as long as possible, though my knees ached from the hardness of the floor. I gripped the pillow under my ribs and concentrated on his cock in my cunt and what he did with it, his moans, and how it felt to be myself as he was himself fucking me.

We would have a rhythm together, almost bouncing, as he fucked me very quickly. And sometimes I would limit my own movement, and all the force was coming from him. I like how that feels, when the will is his, and I pretend to be more passive.

And sometimes he was more still, and all the force was on my part, and that was maybe the most erotic, because my posture was of complete submission, so it makes us excited when there's a reverse, and I'm the one fucking him even though I'm on all fours and seem to be in service.

That's when he was most excited and ready to come. I might come, he said. I wasn't sure I wanted him to and hesitated. Do you want me to? he asked, gaspy. I contintued and said yes because I felt I would have liked to keep fucking forever, but my knees seemed to be undergoing damage.

Yes, please come, I said, and I fucked with with complete enthusiusm. He was in a state of bliss. His moans went out of control as he rammed it in and came for a long time.

Then his hand went to his dick so he could hold onto the condom while withdrawing, and the condom wasn't on his dick anymore. It was in me, and when he pulled it out, there was no semen to be seen in it. You need to wash, he said.

I stumbled to the bathroom a little angry. He went in the shower with me as I washed, and we talked about the accident. When I washed my cunt, I felt the slickness and knew some of it was my own, while some of it was his semen. I was a little angry though it wasn't his fault. But why does it slip so often? I just don't want to get pregnant. And maybe a little of my anger was because he won't get a vasectomy. If I have to get an abortion, I'm going to be pissed.

We went back to the livingroom floor, and I masturbated while he fucked me with the blue vibrator. I enjoyed myself but mostly just wanted to come. I rubbed my clit faster than usual. When I was ready to come, I put my left arm around him and held him close to me, his head to my chest, and came silently, like I might have years ago.

My period's still wanky (my last period lasted about a month), but I might be fertile. So I took the first Plan B pill at 7:08, and we set the alarm for 7:08 in the morning so I could take pill number two.

So say a prayer that I'm not going to get pregnant, though it's doubtful. I think we need to impliment some stringent policies, like we can fuck with a condom on, but he can't come in me anymore, which is of course a bit devestating, since that's my favorite part!

And more birth control thoughts must be thought. The current plan was to keep using condoms for another year until I get a real job with health insurance and then would be covered and get my tubes tied. But maybe the plan will change now.


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