authentic experience

Monday, December 04, 2006

more porn

I value the reminder my friend Shelley provides me, that porn can become an obsession, and how unreal depictions can shift what turns a person on to something impossible in real life. How porn can train a person to unrealistic expectations. How porn can isolate. And how porn can ratchet up what it takes for someone to get off.

Toward the end of my first marriage, I turned to porn a lot for comfort, and it wasn't good porn either. I was lonely and miserable at the time.

I don't think I'm in danger of using porn in an unhealthy way nowadays because I'm careful to pay attention to the way I feel. I use porn only in a way that makes me feel happy. Also, if I feel I'm over doing it, I take a break.

There's nothing like real life, and the vast majority of what's important to me can be found only in real life. Love, for example. Smell--the smell of my husband's neck, his balls, his hair. It makes me horny to be listened to, intimate conversations, vulnerability, being close friends for a long time. Long hugs and holding hands. How it feels to be liked. Eye contact, having my hair touched. Porn gives me nothing of this.

But it's good to be reminded that porn is powerful, and I should be careful, so thank you for thinking of my well-being.

2 Comments:

At Friday, December 08, 2006 3:26:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everything you say is true - a message for all of us - and yet, there are times when the only thing that matters is having an orgasm, and whatever can enhance that seems to rule the day. Such an incredible refuge. But then on to other things.

John

 
At Saturday, December 09, 2006 9:48:00 AM, Anonymous shelley said...

Orgasms are of great importance, I agree. And porn is a great way to help achieve that end.

I think the role pornography plays in sex addiction
is huge if the person using porn is unable to have
real life relationships. That is when problems can begin. Addiction can happen because porn combined with regular masturbation can easily become a habit. The pornography with fantasy creates an unreal world that the person visits and revisits and doing so, over time creates an object
relationship that conditions their emotional and
sexual self to depend upon these objects and fantasies to meet their emotional and sexual needs. Having sex with a real person becomes mundane. I am not worried about YOU Greenlacewing
Woman, you have got a REAL LIFE loving relationship with your husband.The majority of people who watch porn occasionally will probably not become addicted to it maybe because they usually have REAL lives and families and other people that distract
them enough to realize that continual voyeurism and constant masturbation is not normal behavior.

 

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