authentic experience

Friday, May 05, 2006

to read about someone's first sex party

This morning an old friend sent me an account he wrote of the first sex party he ever went to three years ago. It's the only sex writing I have ever read by a friend, it was a new experience to see something so personal by someone I know, and I enjoyed it very much--the writing was engaging and clear. He's a great writer.

My husband felt cautious because I recently had a bad experience with a male friend who wasn't respecting my boundries. So my husband's on-guard for male sociopaths, which makes him edgy. And it makes me edgy when I feel he's monitoring me.

Though I know I won't be going to a sex party any time soon, I enjoy learning about other ways of being and cultures within cultures. Is it good for friends to talk about sex like this? I hope so, and I'm glad my husband is flexible with me as I try new things. Comfortable with discomfort. Every new experience adds up, and I want to have the richest life possible while still feeling my version of safe.

Yesterday I wanted to be spanked. I like the slaps and the way the vibrations feel as they wake up my cunt. I'm not the kind of person who likes actual pain--no bruises, for example--but this is something playful, and a nice sting that makes me feel lively.

"Did it turn pink?" I asked.

"A little," he said. I asked for harder and harder. I asked for a little soothing caress after each spank.

I remember when I was a little girl and spakings were something I fantacized about, injections too, in a way that I recognize now as sexual, but then, there was nothing more emotional, nothing more intense, than the terror of anxiety. I worked myself into a little frenzy. Something forbidden to think about, I mean before the age of eight. But I remember this.

Now, spakings cause no anxiety, and anxiety isn't a kick anymore but rather is a problem.

Before spakings, he rubbed massage oil on my feet, butt, and breasts. After spakings, I went down on him. Then we fucked, with him behind me, and I was so happy happy happy.

At night I was reading some One Life, Take Two about Jefferson dominating this woman named Rose that was both arousing and difficult for me--my complicated feelings about domination, feminism, gender, and where I fit--but for sure I was interested in getting into my husband's pants.

He initially brushed me off a little, which hurt my feelings a little, then changed his mind. "Can I spend some time with you?" he asked me. "If I tried to seduce you, do you think I would be successful?" as he led me to bed.

"You'll definitely be successful at trying to seduce me!" I said. We laughed, and the mild tension of our disagreement dispersed. Then he fucked my mouth, he jacked off on my tits, I masturbated, he fucked me with the blue vibrator. We got sleepy while we were cuddling and went to bed a little early.


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