authentic experience

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

this morning

This morning we were up early, and he decided to do some work.

I stayed in bed, listening to a Wah! CD and reading My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday, which I think is just wonderful, and I don't know why it's taken me so long to find it. If you haven't read it, I really suggest you do. It's so insightful and brave. It made me see how much I have to learn about sexuality.

In some ways, I'm very progressive, and in some ways, I'm so repressed. I've noticed the same thing in other people. I've had sex in strange public places, had multiple close relationships at once, was on the pill a bit earlier than most, lived as an "out" bisexual for years.... Yet there are huge blanks in my sexual knowledge and experience, and I'm trying to joyfully fill in the blanks, which this blog is partially to document, and you can see such relatively tame things I'm new to.

Yesterday I saw some bisexual porn, two men with one woman, and a picture of the man in the middle, being entered from behind by a man while entering a woman. "That guy's having quite time!" I said, telling my husband about all this. He doesn't mind me looking at porn as long as I don't masturbate--he wants me to bring the energy to him. That's fine with me. I'm very willing and just glad he allows me the pleasure of this research at all.

About 15 minutes before he had to leave for work, he joined me in bed and requested I touch his cock. I was happy to oblige, especially considering what I'd just been reading, and it felt so velvety soft, and got quite hard in my hand. He touched my breast, and we spoke quietly. There was no time for sex. But we threw caution to the wind. And he masturbated on my chest--I finished him off. And it was beautiful, something very nice to do, even though he had to leave for work right away.

Then I had the pleasure of masturbating alone for the first time since we got together, and I liked it very much, though it was different--how interesting, to do that alone, and have no one holding me, no one to worry about but myself. It's really wonderful, though it also felt less religious--finished was just finished, and I moved on very quickly, recovered within minutes, when usually, the glow would linger on.


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