authentic experience

Monday, April 10, 2006


Yesterday we took a bath together and then went to bed, where he touched me for a long time. It's been six years, and you'd think he'd know my privates well, but sometimes life feels rushed, or I feel impatient, or for whatever reason. We still have a lot to learn about one another. It felt really good to just relax while he did whatever we wanted.

Then we put on a condom and we did it, him on top of me, and I was just short of shocked at the intimacy of facing him as he entered me. It'd been weeks, since we'd used that position, and I loved it. He's very beautiful.

Lately I've given him so much to adjust to, and yesterday when we took a walk, he wanted reassurance that I value the security of our marriage more than I would value the freedom of no marriage. I feel sorry for him when he worries like that.

Then I was shopping for sex toys online last night, and he got embarassed. I can't blame him because it was pretty embarassing for me the first time too! Anyway, I didn't order anything because the shipping charge is so high. I'll either find a place with cheaper shipping, or get up the courage to go to the place down the street.

But the trouble is, going alone I would feel so strange, but going with him I would feel strange too--ideally, I would go with a woman-friend, but I don't have any women-friends in town who I would go to a sex shop with. We'll see.


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