everything's different now

I was on an SSRI for a long time, and when I cut my dose, that's when I had a sex drive again and started this blog.

As of a week ago, I'm off the SSRI entirely, and something wonderful has happened. I'm incredibly horny. I'm interested in porn again, wet in seconds, aroused at the drop of a hat. The surprise, which maybe isn't a surprise at all, is that I can come from penetration only again. I feel young, in a good way, but I have the love of my life to fuck whenever I want to.

It happened a few days ago. I was looking at porn in the afternoon and extremely horny by the time he got home from work. In bed, I masturbated, and it's like having a whole new body, in a way. I sucked his dick. I had to slow my hand on my clit so I wouldn't come. My cunt felt vibrant and glowing with light.

Then he fucked me. I had a pillow under my ass, and I felt very comfortable and mobile. Even though he was above me and pushing down on me with great force, I had a lot of strength to push back forcefully also, and freedom to move.

He fucked me hard--he pounded me. I felt this thick cock tearing through me, and I felt vulnerable yet entirely present and very accommodating of this intensity.

His face was contorted with lust. He slowed down and looked at me as he fucked me with long, deep strokes, skillfully, watching me, and my body was all admiration and loving gratefullness.

He pounded me again, increasing the speed and aggression until my cunt felt very used and overwhelmed with the sensation.

He slowed again, with the long, deep thrusts--expert--he knew what he was doing to me. I felt safe and known. The feelings began to crescendo in me, and the building was familiar. I whimpered and pulled him closer against me. I rubbed my body against him as he fucked me. I noticed the unmistakable fact that I was going to come. I was ecstatic with the feeling and ecstatic with the knowledge.

I felt that his entire being was pressed into me, and we moved together as I cried out, half-shocked that it was really happening, and my cunt contracted around his cock as the orgasm shook me to the core. He responded in turn, and he came inside of me as I came. We pressed into one another as hard as we could. My arms were around him, and I held on tightly. I felt like we were in a dark place together: a safe, silent, dark place.

Then we were home again, in bed, gasping for air, and after a little while, we untangled ourselves and became slightly more individual. It was early evening and sunny in the bedroom. I couldn't stop grinning. What do you think of that? I asked. He didn't seem so impressed. Maybe he felt a secret pride. My grin lasted half an hour.

Always before, I could come with him inside of me, but it happened that way only every so often, and only if my hand was to my clit. My arm there felt like something between us, a barricade--subtle, though--of course, it wasn't a problem. But now, I feel there's nothing between us, and I've never felt closer to him. I'm not explaining very well how important this is to me, but I'll have plenty more chances.

The SSRI saved my life four years ago, but I couldn't communicate how glad I am that I don't need it anymore.