depressed transcendence

I was depressed and horny at the same time. It's not so unusual. Being depressed can feel like longing.

When he came home from work, I let him know what I wanted. We took off our clothes and went to bed, where I stoked his cock, cupped his balls, touched his cock gently. Then I started taking it in my mouth. I felt it grow in my mouth as I sucked and licked. I bobbed my mouth on his dick, going quickly. He started to quietly moan.

His skin felt so soft. He was so vulnerable, lying there on the bed, not moving, letting me do whatever I wanted to him.

My mouth got tired, so I used my hand to jerk him off quickly. He was moaning quietly, continuously. I took him in my mouth again, licking where the head meets the shaft, sucking, using my mouth as a cunt to fuck him. I listened to the intensity of his moans and backed off when his cries got too urgent.

As I lay there, my husband in my mouth, life seemed possible. His dick felt so real: I was having a real experience. Something good could actually happen. In fact, I was making it happen. I was making someone feel something. I sucked and smelled his earthy smells. This was really happening. I felt my consciousness open. The world seemed to shift from black and white to color--there was a shift, and my depression lifted.

I worked his cock for as long as I wanted. He warned me that he was going to come, and then he did come. I jerked him off fast, and his semen squirted on the bed, wetting the sheets and a pillowcase.

I got up to wash my hands then came back to bed to masturbate as he rubbed my nipples. My cunt was wet from going down on him, and my body longed to come. After some intentional delay, I allowed myself to come, and again, I felt my consciousness was opening like a flower.

You did everything again, he said.

Later we decided that when I'm depressed, I like to be in control. I don't want to be vulnerable--I can't handle anything unknown happening. So I have to be the one who does everything.

Sex is how I want to spend my entire life. As far as I'm concerned, everything else could be beautiful, meaningful, and excellent, but I'm really just waiting until the next opportunity to fuck.